Random · Thoughts

Well..... Some of you know and some of you don't, but there's no baby this month. You know I knew that odds were it wouldn't happen on the first try. Sometime it does but most times not. But even though logic dictated that it most like ly wouldn't happen the first month, my heart was still hoping. And so, I find myself disappointed yet again. Another disappointment in a long countless line of them on the subject of our hoped for offspring. Maybe next month....

What do you do when grief has altered your life in so many ways that you barely recognize life as it once was? You try to move on and live but there are things or people who hold you back. What do you do when the widow of the person you lost can't seem to move on and is still grieving after 2 and a half years, is unbelievably lonely, but can't or won't try to make new friends to fill her life, and leans on only 2 or three people so heavily that you feel you will smother? Anyone have any answers? I'm at my wit's end.
I love my dad. I would give anything to have him back and he went too soon, but I can't change the fact that he's gone. After 2 and a half years my mother is almost unrecognizable to me. Her behavior can be erratic, and she needs someone. At least a friend. I had been very against her dating, no that it crossed her mind, but now, I'd almost be thankful. I'm sure I sound like a terrible person, but I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want her to cry anymore, and I want my mother back. I know that grief changes people. It changed me. But I'm at the point where sometimes I just want to grab her, shake her and scream at the top of my lungs, "STOP!!!! Just stop!!!"

My family is so torn. I just want it back.

So here I am.  After much resisting I'm here.  After browsing and seeing how many people I know/ knew and would like to catch up with, what choice did I have?  Can't wait to hear from old friends and new ones.